At last, I will tell you but I often find myself bereft of words. I have nothing to articulate that makes sense but I feel so many things that desire to emerge from my mind. I have thoughts that want to find their peace, to break free, and be seen. I feel disoriented, ensnared in a cycle that I do not know how to break. I fix my eyes on what is beautiful. I fix my eyes on things that I find value and goodness in, but I fail to feel the satisfaction that I used to gain.
The moment of happiness misses me and I don’t know why. It’s the New Year, a fresh start in time. I continue to move forward but I have only been deluding myself to follow a direction that leads me to a role that was not intended for me. I ask myself why I find such difficulty seeing the light when the silver linings are trimming my very existence. I continue to pace myself, to build momentum, hoping that each small alteration leads me to find home in my existence once more.