I believed in the fairytale. I believed that all the promises would be true. I believed in myself and my ability to love without inflicting harm. I believed that I could love you in a way that could bring healing and illuminate the shadows that caused you to doubt your worthiness. I believed in you. I’ll never know if your silence was because you did not believe in me, but I’ll always wonder why. I suppose your sincerity will always stir conflict in me.
I cannot betray myself to love you. I cannot stand idle while you attempt to disarm me with promises that you know you intend to break. I cannot watch you discredit my feelings with lies that I know I will be unable to shake.
At times my intuition beckons me to listen. I tell myself that you don’t mean me well. I wonder if you are aware of what you are doing and an internal battle proceeds to eat away at my peace as I try to mend it.
I cannot mend it anymore. I cannot allow myself to continue fighting for you when at the end of each battle, I watch history repeat itself with no clear chance of transformation. I love myself too much to lose her in the pursuit of loving you because I also believe in her. I also believe that she is capable of loving me in my shadows. I believe she will have the best intentions until the end. She is important to me.
So this is me putting down the fairytale and believing in my next chapter, one that I will enter on my own.